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Stewart's Daily Jokes

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Stewart's Daily Jokes

Post by Jack on Thu Jul 15, 2010 5:18 pm

First topic message reminder :

This will be Stewart's daily jokes thread, one joke a day, starting from tomorrow Smile
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Re: Stewart's Daily Jokes

Post by STEWART on Fri Jul 30, 2010 9:40 am

Paddy and his two friends are talking at work. His first friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day i came home from work and found wire cutters under our bed and they were'nt mine."

His second friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day i found a wrench under my bed and it was'nt mine."

Paddy says "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both of his friends looked at him in utter disbelief. "No i'm serious. The other day i came home from work and found a jockey under our bed."

.........................................
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Re: Stewart's Daily Jokes

Post by Jack on Fri Jul 30, 2010 1:43 pm

STEWART wrote:Paddy and his two friends are talking at work. His first friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day i came home from work and found wire cutters under our bed and they were'nt mine."

His second friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day i found a wrench under my bed and it was'nt mine."


Paddy says "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both of his friends looked at him in utter disbelief. "No i'm serious. The other day i came home from work and found a jockey under our bed."

.........................................
Twisted Evil Good one stewart
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Re: Stewart's Daily Jokes

Post by STEWART on Sun Aug 01, 2010 11:04 am

A man has a racehorse, and it has never won a race. The man in disgust says, " Horse, you better win today or you'll pull a milk cart tomorrow morning." The starting gates open, and the horses are off, then they move the starting gates away, and there in the middle of the track lays his horse fast asleep. He kicks the horse and asks, "Why are you sleeping." The horse, half asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning."

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Re: Stewart's Daily Jokes

Post by Jack on Sun Aug 01, 2010 3:58 pm

STEWART wrote:A man has a racehorse, and it has never won a race. The man in disgust says, " Horse, you better win today or you'll pull a milk cart tomorrow morning." The starting gates open, and the horses are off, then they move the starting gates away, and there in the middle of the track lays his horse fast asleep. He kicks the horse and asks, "Why are you sleeping." The horse, half asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning."

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Great joke that one Stewart.
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Re: Stewart's Daily Jokes

Post by STEWART on Mon Aug 02, 2010 11:39 am

One day a man passed a farm and saw a beautiful racehorse. Hoping to buy the animal, he said to the farmer; " I think your racehorse looks pretty good, so i'll offer you £500 for him." He doesn't look so good, and he's not for sale," the farmer said. the man insisted, "I think he looks just fine and i'll up the price to £1,000." "He doesn't look so good," the farmer said, "but if you want him that bad, he's yours." The next day the man came back raging mad. He went up to the famer and screamed, "You sold me a blind horse, yes you cheated me !" The farmer calmly replied, "I told you he didn't look so good, didn't I ?"

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Re: Stewart's Daily Jokes

Post by STEWART on Wed Aug 04, 2010 12:51 pm

A city dweller came to a farm and saw a beautiful racehorse. He decided he had to have the animal. He bargained with the farmer,who finally sold him the horse. The city man jumped on the horse and said, "Giddyup!" The horse didn't budge. The farmer explained, "This is a special kind of horse.He'll only
move if you say 'Praise the Lord.'" To stop him you have to say 'Amen!' Keeping this in mind the new owner yelled, "Praise the Lord!" whereupon the horse took off with great speed. Soon the horse and rider were headed for a cliff. Just in time the rider remembered to say, "Amen!" The horse came to a screeching halt right at the edge of the cliff. Relieved, the rider raised his eyes to heaven and exclaimed, "Praise the Lord."

...........................................


Last edited by STEWART on Thu Aug 05, 2010 12:53 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Stewart's Daily Jokes

Post by STEWART on Thu Aug 05, 2010 12:51 pm

Why is horse racing so romantic ? Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arm around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye !

Why are clouds like jockys ? Becausethey hold the reins !

...................................
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Re: Stewart's Daily Jokes

Post by ockey on Thu Aug 05, 2010 12:55 pm

Like GOOD ONE.
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Re: Stewart's Daily Jokes

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